St. Francis de Sales wrote, “The one who can preserve gentleness amid pains, and peace amid the worry and multitude of daily life, is almost perfect."
My mother, Marleen Brown Riley, is almost perfect.
Imagine eight children in 13 years. Imagine getting her first born’s cancer diagnosis when her youngest was six months old. Imagine being married to a man required to relocate every two years. Think of moving from New Mexico to Northern California with two toddlers, eight months pregnant, and the closest family members 2,642 miles away.
Imagine working the nursing night shift so every child could attend Catholic schools. Imagine financial loss, countless ER trips, nursing our broken bones and broken hearts. Imagine schlepping eight kids to mass, serving on parish council, volunteering for countless church ministries. Imagine graciously welcoming seven in-laws and two dozen grandkids. Imagine sculptured birthday cakes and homemade Easter outfits.
Now, you may just be able to imagine my incredible mother. Sounds almost perfect doesn’t she?
In my mind she was almost perfect, but surely, she would never ever describe herself as such. She would say she didn’t give us enough attention, yelled too much, served too many mushy green vegetables (she did), and lost patience too quickly.
My siblings and I would disagree with her, and we would find Francis’ words most appropriate for her. She preserved gentleness amid pains – like when she opted to ignore our infractions or held us together as we buried our dad and bid our sister farewell. She preserved peace amid worry and multitude of daily life – like when she broke up our fights, made us feel loved equally, held us after disappointments, and pulled us together for family dinner. A perfect mom.
St. Francis reminds us of the risks of living lives in the pursuit of perfection. He tells us that “perfection consists in fighting against them (our imperfections).”
Today, I am a mother to four children aged 12-18. Like other moms, I have longed to be that perfect mother. I want my children to reflect on my role as a mother with the deep adoration and respect I have for my mom. But in pushing for perfection, I find that I lost some perspective.
Francis has helped me out here.
When I feel defeated by my imperfections as a mom, I am reminded of his words, “Don’t be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage.” He teaches me that in keeping my imperfections in mind and accepting them, I can be the mom I want to be.
Francis also has taught me this simple truth: Every act (including mothering), when done so with as much love as I can possibly offer, is a perfect act.
And so, on this Mother’s Day weekend, as us moms reflect on how we are doing in our vocation as mothers, let’s look to Francis and remember that in simply loving ourselves and in acting with love, we are almost perfect.
Paula M. Riley
Communications Consultant
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