When thinking about joy, I distinguish it from happiness. Here, too, I want to distinguish love from like. Because of my own human frailty and temperament, there are some people who I struggle to like. The situation usually has more to do with me than the other person. A dear friend once told me that if I like someone, that person can do anything, and it would be fine with me. But, if I dislike someone, the smallest thing she/he did that I find unacceptable would be catastrophic. I want to believe that I have improved upon this significantly. It has often been said that we don’t have to like everyone, but we are called to love everyone. I think this has something to do with the fact that “love is of God.”
In his remarkable 10-DVD series Catholicism, Robert Barron defines love as “willing the good of the other as other.” That is wanting what is best for another simple because they are other and not for what it could do for me. The “good” that I will for him would be to know God more fully, so that his heart would change and the violence cease. Whether we can see the image and likeness of God in others does not take away this presence within another. Perhaps our love for another can make this clearer, more recognizable.
We must love because it has been mandated by Jesus. Further, he takes this love to the highest level, “Love one another as I have loved you.” This is a love that is total, complete, infinite, without merit, always on display, non-judgmental and a free gift. We get a clear glimpse of this in spousal love, in parental love, and in the love shared between the best of friends. Perhaps the best manifestation of this love is in prayer where we sit in total acceptance of the One who smiles on us, seeing us as so deserving of God’s infinite love even when this utterly amazes us. Richard Rohr wrote, “Most of us were taught that God would love us if and when we change. In fact, God loves you so that you can change. What empowers change, what makes you desirous of change is the experience of love. It is that inherent experience of love that becomes the engine of change.” We must love because love is of God. To love as God loves is indeed a very tall order. We need great patience in this task for we are of God but not God. So, our love is a process and somewhat imperfect. Thus, Saint Francis de Sales often reminded people that perfection consists not in being perfect but in trying to be perfect. It’s all in the trying. What makes this doable speaks to Rohr’s point by letting God love us first. For de Sales, this was a no-brainer, especially recognizing his favorite scripture was the Song of Songs, one great love song where the lover woos the beloved. God takes the initiative because God wants to be with us, embracing us, holding and kissing us, the beloved. We read in scripture, “See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are. The reason the world does not recognize us is that it did not know Him. Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we shall be has not yet been revealed. We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is” (1 John 3: 1-2).
Advent love reminds us of this promise yearly that we may fortify our efforts to love others as Christ has loved us. It enables us to be loved fully and completely, warts and all. It grounds us in a place of humility before God, so that in Salesian thought, we may be gentle toward others. We are loved infinitely, so that we may, in turn, wish this for all others. To love another is to will the good of the other as other. “To love another person is to see the face of God,” as proclaimed in the epilogue of Les Misérables.
Advent love is a beautiful baby, born homeless in a manger, who shepherds and kings traveled to worship in awe but selected a different way home. So too, our lives must change direction once we have met the Savior, the Prince of Peace, the author and sustainer of love. It’s now a life of love.
Father John Fisher, OSFS
Pastor
Our Mother of Consolation Parish
Philadelphia, PA
