To keep her children busy, Paula organizes daily activities for them. Pictured here are her four kids on a hike with their mom in Wissahickon Park in Chestnut Hill, PA
Be who you are and be that well.
This well-known maxim of St. Francis de Sales has guided me as I’ve held many roles in my life. Some of those roles can seem inconsequential while others feel overwhelmingly important. Francis teaches us to celebrate all the roles we play, regardless of their “importance.” I have especially cherished his teaching that being holy means living our ordinary lives in extraordinary ways.
Now, in this time of crisis, as my roles seem harder and harder to fulfill, I find St. Francis’ words challenging me in new ways.
Being mom to four teens/preteens has always been my favorite job. As this pandemic unfolds, my favorite role feels completely upended. Now, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, I am homeschool teacher, short order cook, conflict mediator, cruise director, sports coach, gatherer, and counselor. With each passing day, new demands present themselves and new conflicts arise as I try to meet my kids’ needs, while also completing work requirements.
As professor to college seniors, I find myself working to support these promising young men and women who today are crushed and confused but were so hopeful just weeks ago. They need so much more than lectures and feedback on their papers. I give them what I can but at times, I feel so lost for them.
With the many new challenges each day brings, Francis’ words echo through my mind more clearly and more loudly. His directive to be who you are and be that well has evolved into hourly reminders that sustain and nourish me. As my roles evolve and the needs of my children and students grow, I repeatedly tell myself that each effort I make, regardless of how small it may seem, is significant. If I try to do my work well, Francis tells me, I am living Jesus.
I feel Francis gently pushing and encouraging me to simply do the best I can. When I spend extra time with students, force myself to play that millionth game of cards with the kids, or drag myself out to officiate sibling squabbles, I remind myself that doing my best in each of these roles really does matter. I tell myself that this is where I need to be, even when other responsibilities are put aside or when I’d rather be doing anything else.
Being sheltered in one place results in stressful moments when anger rises, and it feels like these walls are closing in on me. In those moments, I try to remember Francis’ other directive – be patient with everyone, but above all be patient with yourself. His words remind me that being gentle on myself is the only way I will get through this; it’s the best way to ensure I can fulfil these roles. I must make self-care a priority as I care for others.
Like many of you, I am scrambling my way through this new pandemic world. Francis reminds us to focus on the moment at hand, be gentle with ourselves, and whatever we do, to do that well. St. Francis de Sales’ words comfort and guide me; I hope they offer solace to you as well.
Paula M. Riley
Communications Consultant
DeSales Weekly: https://oblates.squarespace.com/desales-weekly
DeSales Weekly Editor: Fr. Bill McCandless, OSFS
