This past Monday afternoon, I drove to New Jersey to see a former parishioner who was not doing well. She is in what one would call a “high end” assisted-care facility that very few can afford. Visitors are given the code for the various doors that make way to the residents’ rooms. When I opened the second door, there was a resident who was eager to get out but was cautioned back by one of the nursing officials. It appeared that she had dementia and I had to stay at the door to block her passage until the employee could help her. After visiting the former parishioner, I had considerable time to reflect on the woman I met previously while driving home. I think what I was feeling was tremendous empathy for her.
Empathy is defined as “having some cognitive or emotional reaction to the observed experiences of another.” I regretted having been in the position to “block” her. I wish that she did not have to live with this illness. The same goes for all those who were once vibrant thinkers but now struggle with memory and cognitive processes. While nothing changes about the inherent dignity of the person, their image and likeness of God staying in place, emotions move me to think of their daily challenges and how their loved ones struggle to cope. Certainly, one’s value is not lessened by a diminished capacity of intellect or productivity. These situations allow us to give back by being ministers and caretakers to loved ones who raised and influenced us. Not having a “cure” for dementia or Alzheimer’s presents a certain helplessness that leads to compassion for the one suffering and prayer on our end that God continues to watch over our loved ones and gift them with a sense of his love and presence. Recall the hymn, “Take Lord, receive my memory and understanding. Give me only your love for they are enough for me.”
Empathy, compassion and prayer are so needed all around the world. Driving home, a story reported that many who survived the earthquake in Turkey and Syria are still wearing the same clothes one month later. Others need wheelchairs as they can no longer walk but there are none to be found. This led me to recall an assisted-care facility I called after my mother died wanting to donate her new wheelchair only to be told they had too many. My mind wandered to other healthcare facilities I frequent and how they could be neater, offer more programs, serve meals hot, attend to their residents more and in a timely fashion and afford more rehabilitation. Many have a revolving door of employees leaving for better pay elsewhere.
Why can’t we do better?
Then, my mind wanders to a commercial that features children starving, unsure when their next meal is arriving and how hunger and malnutrition are still critical issues. These are global and local concerns. We try to donate to various helpful causes, but it seems not enough. There are stories of people forgoing needed medical procedures for lack of insurance and/or money. New situations such as the snow that has trapped residents inside, rationing their food and drink in of all places California, cause us to wonder, what’s next? Will we ever let go of our love of power and need to be right, so that we can converse with each other to ameliorate all these situations? Is the only recourse now our empathy, compassion and prayer?
I find myself surrendering more and more these and other situations into God’s hands and God’s providence. May we be open to discovering what little, concrete measures we can take to alleviate the burden of another and discern when what is called for is our empathy, compassion and prayer.
This is our daily vocation, discerning the Will of God for the world. May we take time to consider how we can respond lovingly and faithfully, for whatever we do for another, we do it for God.
Father John Fisher, OSFS
Pastor, Our Mother of Consolation Parish
Philadelphia, PA
