Kate, Grandma, & Timmy (front center) surrounded by Timmy’s aunts and uncle.
Last month, after watching the solar eclipse (at 100%) from a hillside overlooking the Finger Lakes in New York, my nephew asked his girlfriend to marry him. When they packed up their picnic and headed back home to share the news, their first stop was to tell his grandma, my sisters, and me. We had gathered for the eclipse and were playing canasta at the kitchen table.
Timmy and Kate were glowing with innocent, hopeful looks that an engagement proposal evokes. My sisters and I were touched to be the firsts to hear the news. Though thankful we were together to celebrate, one person was missing: the one woman Timmy most wanted to tell the news - his mom.
Mary Beth left us at 47 years old just after Timmy turned 19. That was 16 years ago and though we’ve grown accustomed to her absence, the loss is accentuated in such moments. My four sisters and I try to fill in as mom, aunt, and grandma to Mary Beth’s children and grandchildren. We try to fulfill that sacred honor of keeping a loved one’s memory alive. We offer the advice, love, and support that our eldest sister so willingly and naturally dispersed but we know we are not her. We know that her absence is never filled and their hurt never heals. Their mom remains gone.
Timmy, with his mom Mary Beth, in 2007.
Mother’s Day is often a painful reminder of loss and Hallmark and TikTok ads only add to that. As women joyously celebrate their role as mothers with their children, the day can evoke such sadness. For once again, we mourn the loss of a mother, grandmother, sister, or aunt. We miss their presence and the friendships we shared while they were with us.
As her children neared adulthood, Mary Beth became a loving and supportive friend to them. Through relationships with both friends and family Mary Beth, like so many wonderful mothers who have left us, showed us the power of friendship.
St. Francis de Sales wrote little about his mother but he did communicate extensively on friendship. He reminds us that in death, friendships can remain strong. St. Francis wrote to his dearest friend, St. Jane de Chantal: “Never will it be possible for anything to separate me from your soul: our bond is too strong. Death itself would be incapable of undoing it.”
We are forever connected to the moms who have gone before us with an unbreakable bond. Like Francis, we are called to tell others of this bond, to remind them that mothers who have left this earth remain here with us. They share our joy and excitement on engagement days, wedding days, Hallmark holidays, and every day in between.
And so, amid the brunches, Masses, and flowers this Mother’s Day, let us remember, and help the children and grandchildren remember the great truth Francis taught us - death itself would be incapable of undoing our bond.
Communications Consultant
