This week’s article is written by Paula M. Riley, parishioner at Our Mother of Consolation Parish in Philadelphia, editorial assistant to the Oblates, wife and mother of four.
When I first met my father-in-law Chuck over 30 years ago, he had just come home from his job as a union plumber in Pittsburgh, PA. A big muscular man with rough hands and a deep voice, he appeared so strong. He was a tough, hardworking, proud craftsman but he was also gentle to the bone. Father to six, he dedicated every ounce of energy to his family. Though he yelled sometimes when angry and his patience worn thin during house projects, he carried with him a genuine gentleness.
Saint Francis de Sales reminds us of the power of gentleness in his well-known maxim,
Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength
This expression represents my father-in-law so well. If you passed him on the street, you may see his chiseled features and think those were his greatest attributes, but his real strength was gently loving others, especially his children and grandchildren.
Like Chuck, the father of my children is gentle. Just as Chuck did, my kids’ dad makes his children the center of his world, engaging with them in a loving and respectful manner. Being a gentle father means accepting your children as they are, not as you want them to be. Being a gentle father means forgiving your children in a peaceful way while still teaching them critical lessons. It means letting go and being silent when you long to yell. Being a gentle father means being present, really present, and focused on them during dinner conversations, ball games, and car rides.
Fathers are not often described as gentle, too often our society still pressures men to fit into a tough guy mold. This Father’s Day let us especially celebrate the strong fathers who show their love and devotion through gentleness. Let us learn from Francis de Sales about the true power of encountering each other with gentleness. This commitment to gentleness was born of the fundamental dignity and greatest respect every human person created in God’s holy image and likeness deserves.
As wives, friends, and siblings to fathers everywhere, we can all support gentle parenting. We can encourage the fathers we know to encounter their children through the lens of gentleness. We can remind them that when they do so, these fathers show children just how strong a father really can be!
Happy Father’s Day!
Paula M. Riley
Communications Consultant
DeSales Weekly: https://oblates.squarespace.com/desales-weekly
DeSales Weekly Editor: Fr. Bill McCandless, OSFS
