News & Events Feed — Oblates of St. Francis de Sales

Paula Riley

Tributes to Fr. Neil Kilty, OSFS, 1941-2023

Please find three tributes delivered in honor Fr. Kilty.

Funeral Mass

Tuesday, September 19

Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary Church

Port Richmond, Philadelphia, PA

Lamentations 3:17-26

Romans 8:14-23

Luke 24: 13-16, 28-35

Homily

A young man knocked on the monastery door several times before the door opened just a crack. A voice came from inside: Amice, Ad Quid Venisti? My friend, why have you come? The young man was perplexed. For in St. Matthew’s gospel, this is the question Jesus asked Judas in the garden as the soldiers approached. Here, the question is put to him as seeks to be allowed beyond the door. The young man responded that he wanted to join the company of the holy men of the monastery. The Porter told him to go away and pray, and if he is so inclined to come back.

The young man prayed for several months and once more knocked on the monastery door. Once more the door opened only a crack, and he heard Amice, Ad Quid Venisti? My friend, why have you come? He answered I have seen the good works of the monastery. How the fields are cultivated, how the people of the village are taught, how the sacraments are provided. I want to join your number. The response from inside was almost the same. My son, go away and pray some more, and if you are so inclined come back.

The young man prayed for a long time and once more knocked on the monastery door. Amice, Ad Quid Venisti? My friend, why have you come? The young man responded I have come searching for God. The door opened wide. The Porter said, come in. All of us here are seeking God, too.

So, the question is put to you tonight: Amice, Ad Quid Venisti? My friend, why have you come? If you have come to hear of the many assignments and accomplishments of Father Neil Kilty, well you will be disappointed. You can read his obituary for these details. If you have come seeking God, you have come to the right place. Father Neil helped each one of you in your search for God as he searched with you.

I do not know how many times Father Neil knocked on the door. We do know, however, that the growth of a vocation proceeds in steps, and the search takes many forms.

How so? The parable of today’s gospel tells us. It is the story of the Road to Emmaus. The two disciples had left Jerusalem a bit downcast. They had thought Jesus would be the long-expected Messiah, but Jesus disappointed them. Another traveler joined them and opened up the scriptures for them. As they walked, the stranger taught them that the Messiah had to suffer and die first. As they joined in the breaking of bread, a sign of the Eucharist, they recognized Jesus.

We do not know where Emmaus was. Archeologists have offered some possibilities of places a few hours distant from Jerusalem. These are only conjectures, however. It is better not knowing, for Emmaus can be anywhere a Christian travels. The Emmaus Road could be Allegheny Avenue, Erie and Torresdale Avenues, Center Valley, Overbrook or the ways to many convents and religious houses Father Neil traveled to join you in your search for God.

I know of three times Neil suffered on the road. The first was the closing of North Catholic. When you would meet him, the conversation would come to his most current reason why North was chosen and not a different school. He would second guess the Diocesan officials. It was his belief in the Resurrection that he found solace. He went on to teach in another Archdiocesan school.

The second was the closing of Hawthorne Dominicans’ Sacred Heart Cancer Home where he had served Mass for Father Herman Buckley as a high school student. As a priest, he and his friend, Father Bob Ashenbrenner, offered Mass and ministered to the sick and dying. In time, he understood that the decision was a business one as government regulations demanded more and more. The power of the resurrection gave him the power to accept and move on.

The third was the deterioration of his health. He was an active person, taking on physical labor and project after project. He worked hard and would wonder why others did not work as hard as he did. The aging of his body was a loss he found difficult to accept. His body no longer had the strength he desired. Acceptance of limitations came with the understanding of the promise of sharing in the resurrection.

All of us share suffering on the various roads we travel in our search for God. Neil experienced suffering, so he could better understand how you suffer disappointment or loss. Is this not the role of a priest?

Ten days ago, Father Neil came before the judgment seat of God. I do not know what was said, but I can guess. Amice, Ad Quid Venisti? My friend, why have you come? He did not have to search anymore. He found God, the one he had sought.

James E. Dalton, OSFS

Former Principal of North Catholic and close friend of Fr. Kilty

Memorial Mass for Fr. Neil Kilty, OSFS, Childs, MD

Wednesday, September 20, 2023

My brothers, the events of the last week and a half weigh heavy upon us gathered here in this Sacred Space this morning. It’s an intimate little chapel and, as in every family, we all know pretty much where everyone sits here around the Lord’s table. We all have a place. Like the Disciples in the Gospel, we too feel the loss of not just one, but two beloved members of this Community: Fr. McGinley and Fr. Kilty. As we celebrate this Memorial Mass for Neil today, we are keenly aware of his empty chair (and the absence of his trusty oxygen machine) along the back wall of this room.

I spoke with Bro. Bob Drelich last evening who reported that Fr. Jim Dalton’s Funeral Mass homily for Neil was filled with eloquent and inspired sentiments which greatly consoled the assembly gathered at Nativity BVM Church in Philadelphia. Since we have all seen Neil’s beautifully written obituary and are familiar with the history of his Oblate Assignments outside these walls, permit me this morning to focus on Neil’s presence among us here at Annecy Hall.

Departing the Sacred Heart Home run by his beloved Hawthorn Dominican Sisters in Philadelphia, Fr. Kilty arrived here at De Sales Center on August 23, 2018…ON HOSPICE! Accompanying Neil on his return trip to Soyhieres Hill were several suitcases filled with clothes, a box or two of pictures and plaques and some personal items. Thinking this was rather spartan even for Neil, I turned to one of the movers and said: “So, that’s it?”

“No, Father,” came the reply “there are a few boxes of books….”

I later discovered that “a few” would translate 65 boxes of books! Despite his ailing health, he arrived here as a man on mission…and that is truly what he was in life. A man on mission, a man on fire with the Love of God.

Neil’s time among us for his first four years here in Annecy Hall was something to behold. He truly benefitted from our Nursing’s Staff’s loving care. He had returned to Oblate Community and was once again seated with loving confreres. He was surrounded by familiar reminders of his former home at North Catholic’s faculty house – this altar, these stations, the crucifix behind me – as well as a complete set of Northeast Catholic High School yearbooks. Weakened, but not quite ready to give up the mission, he plunged into a regular routine, the old typewriter came out of the closet, and he continued his ministry to the Alumni of his beloved Alma Mater. He had taken hold once again and would not let go.

Michael Vogt, OSFS

Former student of Fr. Kilty and Assistant Superior of Oblate Community at Childs, MD

A Tribute to Fr. Kilty from a Friend and Student

Fr. Kilty, to some he was “The Man” and to others, he was “The Myth or the Legend.” To those of us who were taught by him or knew him from school, he was all of the above. But most of us knew him as a friend. He himself would have said, “I’m just a man.” When you talked to him you could tell he was from Northeast Catholic with his Port Richmond accent and the ‘choice’ words he would use when necessary. The things he said, without hesitation, were always amusing, brilliant, spontaneous, and to the point. Just recently, Father Kilty told us that he wasn’t finished with his time on earth. He told us he didn’t want to pass on to his eternal reward just yet. But, as I heard from a number of his friends since he passed away, we can only imagine the words between Neil and St. Peter at the “Pearly Gates.” Perhaps he will meet Moses and tell him that ‘I have 5 or 10 more Commandments that are much better than the original 10.’ Maybe he would ask the Lawgiver: “How’d you really do that Parting of the Red Sea?” Matthew/Mark/Luke and John better be on their toes for some praise and critiques, too.

I’m sure Fr. Kilty thought about meeting St. Francis de Sales over the years, and while I am sad that it is finally happening, I am overjoyed that he will finally get his wish. I bet they will have a good time discussing the claim of the West Catholic Burrs that they graduated more religious brothers and priests than every school in Philly (including North). When Neil heard this statement, he took it as a challenge. For the last few years, Fr. Kilty spent time researching this claim just to prove them wrong. Fr. Kilty was born in a time of depression, death, and war. Fascism had overrun the world and brought battles to Europe and the Pacific. As he grew up, Neil saw the Korean War and then he had to watch some of his students go to war in Vietnam. Sadly, some did not return home. He lived to see seven Popes, seven Archbishops in Philadelphia, the closing of many schools. He go to see the Phillies and Eagles win a couple of world championships These events, some wonderful and some sad, affected him. However, Fr. Kilty saw in St. Francis de Sales a gentleness, a brilliance and a love of God and his fellow man.

I was lucky enough to have Fr. Kilty teach me Religion. Some of my friends had him for one of the half-dozen or more languages he spoke and understood. One of his former French students said Fr. Kilty would proclaim to them “How can I teach you boys a foreign language when you don’t even speak English?” One of Neil’s classmates from high school, John O’ Rourke, said about him: “I was honored to be a friend. When we met, Neil asked me my name. When I told him it was John, he immediately called me Jack. I told him that no one ever called me that. Neil’s response was - good that’s what I’ll call you. He was the only one to call me that.”

When Neil died, I received messages on social media sharing similar stories:

  • Barbara Murray Rilling wrote: “I’ve known Neil for 67 years he was a ‘blind date’ in 1956. He was a good friend, and we will miss him.

  • Stephanie & Mike Morris: “One of my favorite people.”

  • Deacon Steve Guckin: “One of the GREATEST.”

  • John Shimp: “One of the greatest priests I’ve ever had the chance to know. I had him all four years at North’ and quote him often. I was also fortunate enough that he married me and my wife. He was a true Salesian gentleman and made the priesthood relatable. May he Rest in Peace.”

  • Mike Fenerty (class of ’81) wrote: “Fr. Kilty has been a friend since I was in grade school. He celebrated my Father’s (class of 1942) funeral. He offered great advice and humorous insults to me countless times, all while being a true priest. May God Bless Him!

Fr. Kilty, like all of us, was disappointed when the decision was made to close our beloved school. He immediately coined the phrase “Well, we are Norphans now.” Fr. Neil continued to be the chaplain for the Alumni Association for many years. We always look forward to his Chaplain’s Corner article in the Falconer newsletter (usually typed on his typewriter or handwritten and mailed to our offices). He usually started off with his list of who ‘went home to God.’ He always finished with some great words by St. Francis, Fr. Brisson, or even Irish composer James Coulter. One of his more memorable columns was the 2021 issue where he mentions his longtime friendship with Len Knobbs and his wife Barbara and their bi-monthly phone calls and visits. He wrote, “Len’s gift to North Catholic and the Alumni Association was his faithfulness.” Father quoted a line from one of Mr. Coulter’s songs to describe Len’s friendship: “…and tho’ he may be gone, memories will linger on. And I’ll miss him-the old man.”

Fr. Kilty had many friends from NC, the Oblate community and this parish (Nativity). Joe Glackin, in particular, has been a grand friend to Neil for a long time and was a great help to him over the years, including his final years at Childs. Another longtime friend of Fr. Kilty’s was Steve Cardullo ’72. Steve and I went to visit Neil in the hospital in Wilmington the day before he died. Neil was having a difficult time speaking without coughing and he was weak, but he was still sharp. When he rang the buzzer, looking for the nurse, he was able to ask “where is that nurse? They take forever to get here in this place!” We didn’t have a long visit, but those minutes (with his familiar complaints) were and will always remain in our hearts.

At his funeral mass, the Responsorial Psalm was Psalm 95: “If today you hear his voice, harden not your heart.” We would all love to hear Neil’s voice again – especially at the next Communion Breakfast. At the Mass and Breakfast last March, Neil’s voice was very low and limited. Those of us at the head table were laughing because we heard the punch lines to his jokes, but the rest of the crowd could only hear the set-up to the joke. Somehow, Neil made it work. On the day Neil passed away, the Phillies had a tribute game for children with serious illnesses. I made myself a promise to ask Fr. Kilty to intercede for any child I hear of who is sick. I know he will continue to help young people, as that was his life’s work. In The Introduction to the Devout Life (part 1,17), St. Francis de Sales reminds us that “From the heights of Heaven, Jesus mercifully looks down upon you and graciously invites you there. He says: come, dear soul, find everlasting rest in my bountiful arms where I have prepared undying happiness for you in the abundance of my love.” We will miss you, Fr. Kilty.

Rest in Peace – our friend!

Bob Kensil

President, North Catholic Alumni Association

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$ 500 Program Sponsor

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Childs, MD 21916

For questions, contact Nancy Myron at (302) 656-8529 ext. 21


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Thank you for supporting the Dinner Dance!

Please make checks payable to:

Oblate Development Fund

Oblates of St. Francis de Sales

2200 Kentmere Parkway

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Please contact Nancy Myron at 302-656-8529 ext. 21

See you on Saturday, January 13th

The Union League, Center City Philadelphia

Optional Mass - 5:30 PM ***NEW ***

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Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

For the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, devotion to the Sacred Heart is an important part of our spiritual tradition, which comes to us from the Sisters of the Visitation of Holy Mary who had a direct influence in our founding as a Congregation. This year marks the 350th anniversary of the first apparition of the Sacred Heart to the young Visitandine nun, Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque.

The Oblates renew our consecration to the Sacred Heart on the First Friday of each month. The Sacred Heart of Jesus reminds us of God’s love and mercy for humanity, and so we learn in the Salesian tradition that devotion is the human heart longing to beat in rhythm with the heart of God, in “heart to heart” communication, with the Heart of Jesus mediating that relationship. Thus, we strive to “Live Jesus” as portrayed in the Gospel of Matthew: “Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart.”

BUY SACRED HEART CARDS HERE

Live Jesus! 2023 "Be At Peace" - Ellen Hildenbrand

Good Morning.  I am so honored to be here to witness to my own Salesian journey and to join with you in yours.

Four years ago I came to Salesianum School in Delaware with an extensive background in Theology and education but, to be honest, relatively little acquaintance with St. Francis de Sales.

Of course I had heard of him – the gentleman saint – and of the Oblates, but I confess I had little knowledge of the particulars of Salesian spirituality or the charism of the Order, but I knew I would be brought up to speed quickly and I was eager to learn.

A little context may be useful here:  familiarity with religious orders and communities came naturally to me .  As a child I was educated by the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.  (I affectionately acknowledge that they formed a large part of the village that helped to raise me.) 

 My high school, SMG, had many religious sisters on staff including Franciscans, SSj’s SND’s and Sisters of Mercy as well as still more IHM sisters.

At Villanova I was educated by and with Augustinians and my brother spent 30-some years with the Jesuits at BC High while my daughter attended and later worked at Fairfield University, so I could hardly escape Jesuit influence.

In my own teaching career, I have worked with SND’s IHM’s, Sisters of Mercy, Augustinia ns and Pallottines.

Whew!  So I am very familiar with how a religious community’s charism impacts an educational institution – hence, I wanted and needed to learn all about the Oblates and SFdS.

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship for me.

You see, Francis’ idea of universal holiness – that we are all called to be holy – wasn’t new to me.  Jesus told us all to go out and proclaim the Kingdom, I knew that it wasn’t only up to those in clergy or consecrated religious life. I am a married, female Catholic theologian who knows that we should all aspire to be the saints we are all called to be.

So what did my eager study of Francis de Sales bring to me?  

In all honesty, my research yielded little in comparison with  what immersion in the Salesianum School brotherhood gave  to me.  

Each and every day, each and every member of the Sallies community is challenged to live Jesus through humility, patience and tenacity.  Gentle reminders are present in every class and every activity, walking through the halls, surrounded by reminders of the Salesian virtues we seek to practice, one can hear the students calling each other to behavior befitting a Salesian gentleman.  

From my earliest days at Salesianum, I was captivated by the obvious commitment to the virtues of St. Francis de Sales that I saw, literally, everywhere.  The students seemed to genuinely take pride in their formation and it mirrored the commitment of the Oblates and the faculty at large.  The Direction of Intention was clearly held dear and the motto of Tennui Nec Dimittam was an obvious source of empowerment for all.

And let’s not forget “be who you are and be that well”!  

Could there be a better quote to drive the work of education?  As we all know, in Catholic education, that means we are fostering in the students the realization that they are made in the image and likeness of God and are, therefore, born to be holy.  And, as you may know, St. Francis de Sales proclaimed that knowledge is the 8th sacrament of the Church.  (I have heard that he addressed that point specifically to priests, but its universality seems very clear to me, as an educator!)

As I live out my vocation as a Catholic school religion teacher and, I admit, a lifelong aspiring saint (I think I can say it to this crowd) -  the example and teachings of St. Francis de Sales have added a beautiful, gentle perspective to the work, especially helping me to meet the challenges with intention (what many today are calling mindfulness) and tenacity – in fact, I promise this to God repeatedly each day as I recite the Direction of Intention with the Salesianum community.

Personally, too, apart from my work at school, the influence of St. Francis de Sales is with me.  Let’s face it:  words are powerful and living each day immersed in the Salesian atmosphere at Salesianum has had a profound effect on my personal life as well.

I believe I have tried to live Jesus all my life, but singing about “Jesus whom I love” with the Oblates and experiencing daily reminders over the PA from the students keep me focused on the all-important  awareness of the presence of God at every moment and the promises I have made.

Gentleness, patience, tenacity, gratitude and accepting all the difficulties now form the soundtrack in my moments of reflection. 

When we pray “I give you my soul, my heart, my understanding and my will”  each day at Salesianum, I re-commit myself to the truest most enduring vocation I have ever known – the vocation to try, every day and in every situation to be my best self in order to give glory to God.

So, I resolve, every day and in every situation, to recognize my dependence on God’s grace, to offer any good I do to God, and accept, with patience and tenacity, any difficulties or frustrations that come. 

And my heart is full of gratitude.

This is my expression of Salesian Spirituality.

Thank you and God bless you all.  Live Jesus.


 


Live Jesus! 2023 "Be At Peace" - Paula M. Riley

Like many of you, I have been blessed to play various roles in my life: mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, professor, businesswoman, neighbor, parishioner, volunteer. 

These wonderful roles offer opportunities to encounter so many people in different contexts. The people and these situations present great joy and also great conflict.   Salesian Spirituality is a wonderful tool to help me find peace in my life. 

For some of us, it is in the closest of our relationships where we feel least at peace.  Lying in bed at the end of the day beside my husband, in the stillness of the night can be the most intimate moment and yet, when there is conflict between us, these can also be the absolute loneliest. For those who know us best, those closest to us, the ones we are journeying through life beside us, are often the ones with whom we do not seek peace.

Sometimes we become accustomed to the gaps, we accept the divisions between as just another aspect of the relationship.  We wait with uncertain anticipation of when that which divides us will again be brought up, the argument replayed, the divide forge deeper. 

 Saint Francis tells us to “Be who we are and be that well.”  But, to do so, I believe we must let others, especially those closest to us, ‘Be who they are today.’  Not who they were when we met them, not who they were last Christmas, not the sister who hurt us deeply years ago or husband who made the parenting choice that still angers us. 

 I think a contemporary interpretation of Saint Francis’ popular maxim for relationships is “Be who we are and leave our baggage at the door!”

That, I believe, is how we can bring peace to relationships that are most intimate, and most important to us.  

It is so easy to keep bringing up the pain, either in deed or in words, with our loved ones.  It’s convenient to draw upon that transgression in arguments.  Whether we are the offended or the offender, when we do this, we cannot move forward.  We cannot feel peace that loving relationships require. 

In my own experience with such conflict I try to take a slow, deep breath, set my intention and draw upon the little virtues that St. Francis espouses - patience, humility, and gentleness.  

Our patron saint tells us we must be patient with others but most patient with ourselves.  We must recognize how hard it is to keep our mouths shut and stop dwelling about past conflicts.   Saint Francis tells us that conflict is important for growth and relationship, but in facing such conflicts we must bring more to the table than the infraction, we must bring these little virtues if we want to achieve true peace. 

A favorite song of mine by The Divine Comedy “Don’t Mention the War” has a great line about conflict:  

“Come and forget all the 

your wrongs and my wrongs

Live and let live

and let bygones be bygones”


How do we do this?  How do we really allow bygones to be bygones?  Francis helps us with this.  Bygones become bygones when we honestly and humbly recognize that we stand with stones in our hands, ready to throw them at those closest to us. 

 Saint Francis, echoing Jesus’ own suggestions, reminds us to drop the stone, set our pride aside, and humbly acknowledge our weaknesses.  There’s no use keeping score in relationships but, reminding ourselves that we are the creators as much as the recipients of pain may help us let bygones truly be bygones. 

In the context of seeking peace in relationships, I believe Francis’ instruction on humility is most insightful.  He suggests that a good beginning for learning humility is simply to bend to the will of others when we are not required to.  Our patron saint affirms this when he writes, “Blessed are the hearts that bend, for they shall never be broken.”

In bending to the will of others, we recognize that we are all broken, we are all sinners who can forgive and be forgiven, who can be broken and be healed.

Our loved ones want to be forgiven as much as we do, they want to be accepted and loved for who they are today, not reminded of their worst moments or greatest sins.  

The same can be said about work relationships..  Similar conflicts arise at work when our colleagues make mistakes or when we treat them based upon their behavior of the past.  Of course, we must address errors and poor judgment at work, but we can also forgive.  Truly forgive.  

Forgiveness is not something reserved for family and or church only.  Francis calls us to live our ordinary lives, in an extraordinary way. By bringing the Salesian little virtues to our offices, our boardrooms and our classrooms, we can do just that.  We can even bring these to our volunteer and parish activities.

When we humbly step out of the limelight and let others shine.  When we patiently deal with that overzealous co-worker.  When we graciously and humbly promote ourselves on LinkedIn.  When we gently offer feedback and modestly accept criticism.  When we do all this, we are living these virtues and, in doing so, we achieve unity that can foster meaningful relationships as well as professional growth and financial gain. 

What makes bringing peace into my own life so challenging is that like you, I have so many meaningful relationships I must nurture.  So, just when I feel peace with my husband and seven siblings and all is well at work and in the volunteer world,  there are still kids to deal with and one of them will tap a nerve, set a spark, and that uneasy feeling of conflict arises again.

And, this happens pretty much every day.  How can it not? 

 I am mother to four children, three teenage boys and a 20 year old daughter. I think my kids  are incredible.  (They are kind and, loving.  They live to the fullest and know who they are.)  But day in and day out, our house is a loud, chaotic, place where schedules are crossing, moods intersecting, and conflicts abound.  Every.  Single.  Day.  

We  live in our lovely, but small, Philadelphia rowhouse that seems to be shrinking in size and increasing in stress. The boys are all bigger than me, my front door is a revolving one of their friends, and there never seems to be a moment of silence.  

My oldest is in  college in NY but she come home so much you’d think she was just down the road.  So much for leaving the nest!  

What I have found in two decades of parenting is that the older my kids get, the harder it is to maintain peace in my home.  I always thought that once they were independent and self-sufficient mini-adults I could step back and breathe a sigh of relief.  Boy was I wrong. Dead wrong. 

The conflicts we experience are much  more complicated and seem to have deeper consequences than teaching them to share toys or not fight over who gets the top bunk. 

Mostly, we argue over their choices… I am realizing that I may have taken efforts to raise self-directed children just a bit too far!  

We argue abot where and how they spend their Saturday nights; what’s appropriate behavior with their girlfriends; and why their every moment does NOT need to be documented on TikTock.  Conflicts arise over about friend choices, alcohol use, what they watch on you tube  and why curfews are imposed, even at the ripe old of 15!

 I have developed a keen radar for when these arguments will begin. Tomorrow I expect I’ll awake to whining about attending Mass, and finishing homework before midnight.  

In my role as mother, again, I seek solace, comfort and guidance in the words of Saint Francis and direction from the Oblates.  I draw upon Francis’ call to try to live a life of gentleness.  

When my kids test my greatest limit, when I want to scream at them, when they make those dangerous choices, and when they do exactly what I told them not to do, I try to remember Francis’ words: “When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time.” 

“Bending but not breaking” is such a wonderful image for finding peace in parenting.  Being an engaged parent is such a precarious role as at any point you say the wrong thing, respond without gentleness, and that’s it.  You’ve lost that moment.  And then you must patiently find your way back. 

Saint Francis states that it is easier to be patient with those whom we do not greatly esteem, because we do not expect great charity from them.  In family relationships, the proximity and familiarity make it easiest for them to hurt us.  In these exchanges, we often need to demonstrate the most amount of patience. 

In all family relationships – partner, parent, siblings - I believe Francis’ greatest lesson is that it’s only through a calm and still heart will we achieve real peace – peace of mind, peace of spirit.  When our hearts are collectors of wrongs, when we remind our spouse and children of their failures instead of their successes, then we remove any opportunity for us, our relationship, our family or our home, to experience true peace. 

This lack of peace also derives from insecurity and fear.  Our imaginations can take us down dark paths of worry and pain.  We send out kids off to the bus stop, parties, the prom, big games, to college, and each time they walk out that door we launch them into a world full of drugs, bullying, social media, stress, pressure, and so much more.  We embrace their growth but with each step they take, our anxiety can grow, and we can miss the chance to be fully present for them and for ourselves.

Again, I look to Saint Francis who comforts us with his insight and words: 

“Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear; rather look to them with full hope that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. He is your keeper. He has kept you hitherto. Do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things; and, when you cannot stand, He will bear you in His arms. Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow.  Our Father will either shield you from suffering, or He will give you strength to bear it.” 

When I look at my role of mother, it is Francis’ direction, more than anything else, that has helped me enjoy, celebrate, and truly treasure the opportunity to change a messy diaper, sit through a painful piano recital, comfort a child after a loss, make dinner for six, or stand at the sidelines on a cold, blustery day.  

Each and every moment I am allowed to be a mother to these children I am engaging in a holy act.   That is what I have learned from Francis.  That is what the Oblates taught me:   that in the simple, ordinary acts I perform every single day, I am living Jesus.  

There is true beauty and grace in the mundane tasks of caring for children and running a household. The world will, and has acknowledged, what I have achieved in my career as a business owner, professor and consultant.  Fewer accolades however come from being a wife, a mom, a sister.  Francis tells me that whoever I am and whatever I am doing, when I am using the gifts that I’ve so generously been given, then I am holy.  I am doing God’s will. 

I will close with a humble directive:  If you want to be at peace, seek Francis.  Read his teaching, subscribe to the Oblate newsletter DeSales Weekly, start your day with an Oblate reflection.  Since first being introduced to Salesian Spirituality two decades ago, I’ve had my fair share of conflict where I needed support.  I needed gentleness.  Above all I needed peace  – with myself, my family, and my God.  Francis’ teachings soothed, comforted, and inspired me.  They continue to teach me the real power of patience, humility, and gentleness. 

We have spent much of this morning reflecting on the power of Saint Francis’ words and how they have inspired, comforted and led our lives.  Despite the conflicts, and perhaps in unison with those conflicts, his lessons are alive in my busy home. 

My children console one other by saying “Just be who you are,” and they understand that setting the table for our family dinner is a holy, meaningful and critical act in the course of our day. Mostly Francis has taught us to live today well.

Francis’ teachings and his many maxims are powerful calls to live with and through Jesus.  They encourage us to seek peace.  They support us when we do so.   And so, I say to you all, when you want to find peace in your lives; find Francis and he will show you how to  Live Jesus!


Live Jesus! Pennsylvania 2023 - Speakers

Brother Dan Wisniewski, OSFS, Ph.D., is the Director of Oblate Education for the Wilmington-Philadelphia Province of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales. Prior to ministering in this position, Brother Dan served at DeSales University for over two decades, most recently as Provost and a tenured Associate Professor of Mathematics. As Director of Oblate Education, he supports the faculty, staff, and administration of educational institutions staffed by or associated with the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales. Supporting internal education is another important aspect of Brother Dan’s role, by which he is a resource and coordinator of personal, academic, and professional development opportunities for his fellow Oblates, from those in formation to men in retirement. Brother Dan earned a Ph.D. in mathematics from Bryn Mawr College, an M.A. in mathematics from Villanova University, an M.A. in Christian Spirituality from The Washington Theological Union, an M.Ed. in Academic Standards & Reform from DeSales University, and a B.S. in mathematics from The Catholic University of America. He has been published in multiple journals and his research interests include number theory, mathematics education, the preparation of future teachers, and a variety of Salesian topics such as friendship and grief.



Ellen Kemeza Hildenbrand, is Religious Studies Department Chair at Salesianum School, Wilmington, DE.

She holds a B.A. in Religious Studies and an M.A. in Theology - both from Villanova University, as well as a M.S. in Instructional Technology from St. Joseph's University.  

Before coming to Salesianum, she taught at The Academy of Notre Dame in Villanova, Bishop Eustace Preparatory School in New Jersey, and as an adjunct in the Religious Studies Department at Villanova University.  

Ellen is married to Jim, whom she met when they were introduced to each other by an Augustinian at Villanova. She has two grown daughters, including one who now, also, works at Salesianum.


Paula M. Riley, M.S., is a communications consultant and adjunct professor at Saint Joseph’s University. Paula earned her Master of Organization Science with a concentration in Human Resouces from Villanova University and a Bachelor of English from the University at Albany, State University of New York. She fills the role of professional, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and volunteer.

Live Jesus! 2023 Pennsylvania FAQs

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I need to register in advance?

There is no charge for the event thanks to the generosity of individual sponsors. By registering you make it possible for us to be good stewards of these generous gifts. At registration, you may choose to make a contribution but this is not required.

How do I learn more about Salesian Spirituality?

Visit www.oblates.org and click on the Spirituality tab. You can also watch videos by clicking on the Live Jesus! Use the link HERE.

Who can attend Live Jesus?

Everyone – high school student through adult.

Where are the Live Jesus retreats held?

St. Thomas the Apostle, 430 Valleybrook Road, Glen Mills, PA 19342 | (610) 459-2224

Will the event be live on Zoom?

Live Jesus! is an in-person event that will be videotaped as is done every year. At this time there is no plan to offer an option for ZOOM or live online viewing of the retreat. Should COVID conditions necessitate a change, you will be notified. As has been our practice, videos of all presenters and the mass will be available online after the event.

What time does the event program?

Doors open at 8:00 AM. Enjoy continental breakfast and fellowship with other believers. The program begins at 8:45 AM with Welcome & Liturgy of the Hours

What is the dress code?

Come as you are! Most arrive dressed in business casual.

What if I have more questions?

Call the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales at 410-398-3057 or email info@oblates.org

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Father Crossin, OSFS featured in Arlington Herald

Father John W. Crossin, OSFS

The Arlington Catholic Herald recently ran an article entitled, "Christian unity may not be so far off, says former head of bishops’ ecumenical office.” This features the newest book by Father John W. Crossin, OSFS, Moving into the Ecumenical Future: Foundations of a Paradigm for Christian Ethics. This book was the topic of a talk Father Crossin gave at St. John Neumann Parish (Reston, VA) earlier this month. In the article, Father John is described as "an optimistic ecumenist." From the article: “As an Oblate, Father Crossin’s 50-plus years of formation in the spirituality of St. Francis de Sales certainly contributes to his hopeful stance."

Father Crossin’s book proposes ten pillars for common Christian Ethics and invites dialogue on the topic. He holds a Ph.D. in Moral Theology, served as Executive Director of the Secretariat for Ecumenical and Interreligious Affairs at the Catholic Bishops’ Conference and has published books and articles on Virtue Ethics and Salesian Spirituality.

Father Crossin will speak on “The Church and the World” on Friday, March 31 at 7:00 pm at St. John Neumann Church, 11900 Lawyers Rd., Reston, VA.

To purchase the book click on: Moving into the Ecumenical Future: Foundations of a Paradigm of Christian Ethics 

Father John W. Crossin, OSFS

Saint Katharine Drexel

“If we wish to serve God and love our neighbor well, we must manifest our joy in the service we render to Him and them.  Let us open wide our hearts.  It is joy which invites us.  Press forward and fear nothing.”   - Saint Katharine Drexel

This time last year two men with opposite impacts on the world were in the news.  Only a few days apart, Dr. Paul Farmer died unexpectedly at 62 years of age.   The same week President Vladimir Putin decided to commence an “absurd and cruel war” in Ukraine, as Pope Francis aptly described it.

Mr. Putin is well known, in the news frequently since his coming to power back in 1999.  Paul Farmer is less known.  He was one of the founders of Partners in Health, an organization based on the belief that modern health care can and should be available to everyone, everywhere in the world. The belief arose from working in collaboration with people in communities without the type of care that is standard in affluent countries.  Dr. Farmer summed up the belief that underlines this work: “The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world.”   

Partners in Health brings people together to build up medical institutions in places throughout the world without access to modern medical care.  Paul Farmer and his partners are effective because they bring openness and humility to the communities they encounter.  This encourages, and even requires, working with others, getting buy-in and engaging in back and forth.  Step by step, person by person, the effort builds up something good, true and beautiful.  

But it is so much easier to destroy than to build up.  Forces that destroy stir up and harness fear, hate, jealousy, ignorance and distance to energize people.   Far from fostering encounters that could lead to understanding and connections, destroying divides, imposes and does not listen to any voices outside its own echo chamber.  

Clearly, Mr. Putin is able to do that in the authoritarian Russia he has helped shape.  Beginning last February, in this one conflict, millions of lives have been disrupted, hundreds of thousands have died, billions of dollars—and rubles—that could have been directed to improving the lot of humanity, have been wasted creating or mitigating this tragedy.

Mother Drexel (right) with Navajos; courtesy and copyright the Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament.

Pope Francis often notes that when we bridge differences and make contact with people different from us, the poor and people on the margins of our world, our hearts grow larger.  It is important to remember the many efforts to build up good in this world.  The loud and disruptive negative can overshadow the good.

The same season as these one-year anniversaries, the Church Year highlights another outstanding Christian who can inspire us.  Saint Katharine Drexel came from a very wealthy family in Philadelphia.  Despite their status, her family served the needy out of their home each week.  The Drexels had a close family friend who was a bishop in a Western territory. Through him, the family encountered Native Americans and learned about their experience as conquered peoples who were pushed to the margins to make way for the young republic’s westward expansion.

With this background shaping her vocation, Katharine founded a group of women, the Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament, to reach out to Native Americans and African Americans.  The sisters shared the faith of Christ, building schools and parishes. Pictures of Mother Drexel in full, formal Victorian Era nun’s habit next to a group of Native Americans or Black Americans illustrate vividly that these were people from very different worlds encountering one another.

Our world has a long way to go before the joy of the Lord crowds out all fears and smallness of heart and everyone sees everyone else as sister or brother of the one God above.  In unmistakable ways, Saint Katharine Drexel and Paul Farmer demonstrate the power of faith in action that each one of us is a part of.  This Lent let us be sure to renew our hearts by keeping company with sisters and brothers who share the joy of Christ in their open hearts.

Father Mike McCue, OSFS

Chaplain, Our Lady of Lourdes Virtua Hospital

Camden, NJ

Father John W. Crossin, OSFS, Explores the Ecumenical Future

While praying on a retreat at Trappist Monastery (Holy Cross Abbey) in Winchester, Virginia, Father John W. Crossin, OSFS, felt a strong calling.  A theologian and author, he has two decades of expertise and knowledge in the areas of ecumenism but on retreat, he felt compelled to explore ecumenical ethics further. 

Father Crossin recalls his self-reflection during the retreat, “We (different Christian groups) will always differ on issues of personal morality and we haven’t dialogued on this as we have on other topics, so why not rely on the Holy Spirit?”

Thus, Moving into the Ecumenical Future: Foundations of a Paradigm of Christian Ethics was born.  This book provides a common framework in approaching moral issues.  Father Crossin reminds us that the Pope invites tension and disagreement so we can come to a common understanding.  In the book, Father Crossin reflects on the moral debates and issues between Christians and invites readers to prayer and dialogue on these.  

Structured around ten fundamental pillars, Father Crossin explores foundational influences and how they contribute to the understanding of Christian ethics. The text begins with the Holy Spirit as Father Crossin believes all Christian traditions should rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Subsequent chapters consider pastoral input, the teaching and example of Jesus, biblical teachings, and our relationships with God and one another in developing paradigms for ecumenical ethics. 

There are echoes of Salesian Spirituality throughout the entire book.  Father Crossin explains that he considers Saint Francis de Sales’ lessons appropriate for dialogue on ecumenical ethics, specifically, his encouragement to be gentle, to be in dialogue and that the will is more important than the intellect. There is also a section dedicated to Salesian Spirituality.  This is the focus because, Crossin explains, spirituality is a foundation of morality. It provides an area of discussion where one can meet another with differing views with respect and grounds for convincing.  The book seeks reconciliation between Protestants and Catholics, and Salesian Spirituality, through its gentleness, practicality, and humility, can lead to the coming together of two opposing sides.  When Saint Francis de Sales dealt with those who held different positions he treated them (and everyone) all in the image of God.  Father Crossin encourages our discussions on Christian ethics to follow this model of being gentle and charitable to those with which we may disagree.  

Father Crossin, OSFS, entered the Oblates in 1965 and has served in ecumenical work for over 20 years.  He is the former Executive Director of the Secretariat for Ecumenical and Interreligious Affairs at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and holds a Ph.D. in Moral Theology from The Catholic University of America.  His publications include books related to virtue ethics and numerous articles on Salesian Spirituality.  He also served as Director of the Washington Theological Consortium, Director of the Spiritual Formation program at Saint Luke Institute, and President of De Sales School of Theology.  Father Crossin has worked with other religions and Christians spending five years on the road traveling to conferences.  

Father John W. Crossin, OSFS

Father John W. Crossin, OSFS

He sees this book as an extension of his two decades of work in ecumenism. He recognizes that achieving full agreement on Christian ethics will probably never occur but he hopes his book makes a contribution and says, “Who knows what the Holy Spirit will do if we prayerfully consider all this?” 

He says he considers this publication a starting place for ecumenical studies and a foundation for discussion for international dialogue to dive deeper in ecumenical studies.  “I hope in reading this book others will see some light and it will help bring us together, which is Jesus’ will at the Last Supper; that we be one.”  

Father Crossin said he wants “to help build relations between opposing sides by providing biblical and pastoral models to ecumenical studies as well as Salesian views on this topic.”  A review by Kathryn Johnson, former Director for Ecumenical Relations for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America suggests he achieved this. She said, "This is a book of hope and summons. Where many despair that differences on moral teaching must inhibit ecumenical growth, John Crossin musters multidisciplinary hosts of resources to root dialogical openness at the heart of mature Christian life. Then, as a moral theologian, he proposes steps forward on the way toward unifying (while appropriately diverse) witness on the unavoidable matters of how to live--all with humility, love, and trust in the Spirit of God.”

To purchase the book click on: Moving into the Ecumenical Future: Foundations of a Paradigm of Christian Ethics 




Rev. Thomas J. Tucker, OSFS, 1938-2023

Father Thomas J. Tucker, OSFS

Rev. Thomas J. Tucker, OSFS, in his 66th year of religious life as a professed member of the Wilmington-Philadelphia Province of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, died on February 7, 2023.

Father was born in Philadelphia in 1938, the son of Morgan J. Tucker and Henrietta Bach Tucker. After graduating from Northeast Catholic High School in Philadelphia in 1956, he entered the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales and professed first vows on February 2, 1958.  He made perpetual profession on February 2, 1961 and was ordained a priest on October 1, 1966. Father earned a Bachelor of Science in Biology from Niagara University (Lewiston, NY), a Master of Science in Biology from the Catholic University of America (Washington, DC) and a Master of Theology from De Sales School of Theology (Washington, DC).

Over the years, he served on the faculty of both Father Judge High School (Philadelphia, PA) and Salesianum School (Wilmington, DE) and also served as Superior of the Salesianum Oblate Community.

Rev. Thomas J. Tucker, OSFS is preceded in death by his parents and his brother-in-law, Paul Davis.  He is survived by his sister, Janet Davis as well as his nephews, Matthew Davis and Adam Davis. 

The Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated on Saturday, February 11, 2023, beginning at 11:30 AM at Our Lady of Light Chapel, 1120 Blue Ball Road, Childs, MD 21916. The Viewing will precede the Mass from 10:00 AM to 11:15 AM. Interment will take place at a later date. Attendees must be fully vaccinated and boosted from COVID-19.  Social distancing and masks are required.

In memory of Father Tucker’s life and legacy, donations may be made to the Oblate Development Fund, P.O. Box 87, Childs, MD 21916-0087.

Sacred Heart Valentine

As we approach the middle of February, we don’t have to look too far to see images of Valentine’s Day in homes, shops and supermarkets.  Candy, cupids and flowers are also on display, but it is the heart that has become the primary symbol of romance and love.  Many histories of Valentine’s Day propose that the stylized image of a human heart became so popular because it appeals to our senses.  Most of us understand the importance of the heart for our health and well-being and this has been translated into seeing love as central to our life.  

In Catholic culture, the Sacred Heart of Jesus has become an icon of God’s love and mercy.  It is a centuries-old tradition that focuses on Christ’s physical heart as a symbol of His love for humanity.  The devotion has roots in the Middle Ages but it was in the late 17th century that Jesus appeared to Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque, a Visitation nun in France.  The Salesian tradition has always emphasized the love of God and the significance of speaking to one another “heart to heart.”   So, it was fitting that Christ chose to communicate His love for all humanity to a spiritual daughter of Saint Francis de Sales and Saint Jane de Chantal.  

In many ways, this devotion may have become popular for the same reasons the heart symbol gained prominence among romantics.  The Sacred Heart is a very tangible reminder of the love and mercy God has for His children.  

The Church encourages us to remember the Heart of Jesus throughout the year.   On the first Friday of each month, special prayers, litanies and holy hours are offered as Catholics recall the love of Jesus.  The actual feast of the Sacred Heart is celebrated each year a few weeks after Easter and Pentecost. 

In popular culture, the month of February is filled with heart shapes, love songs and romantic cards and decorations.   As we walk down the aisles of our drugstores and supermarkets, maybe we can walk with Saint Valentine.  As a Christian bishop, he often preached the words of Jesus, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).   

My hope is that the Heart of Jesus will inspire us all year round.   Like Saint Margaret Mary, my prayer is that the Kingdom of Christ will be established in our own hearts.  And may we be able to say, along with the disciples walking to Emmaus, “Were not our hearts burning within us when he talked to us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:32). 


Reverend Jack Kolodziej, OSFS

Provincial

Wilmington-Philadelphia Province